I dreamt that I was from the past, not super distant past, but deep enough. I came born of history, of understanding the past in ways that is beyond the norm. But I love it this way. To have a history that came with me from the start. Many worry about growing old, but not me. I will never grow old. I am eternal.

I painted myself this way. My first self-portrait as I stood in front of long mirror and looked at who I am, not just on the surface, but how I looked deep down. The cracks were visible to me, even if no one else could see them. I cried some when I first noticed how I looked beyond the surface. My first self-portrait was also my first real dive into the depths of who I was. I liked what I saw. But now, can I love what I saw? I hope so, I really hope so.

I am a nude model and do it a few times a week. I’ve been doing it for hundreds and hundreds of years. I never get tired of standing in the nude and having the eyes of an artist piercing deep into my soul. Trying to locate the true me, the true Vera, the one who only emerges in the darkness. Oh, yes, the hidden cracks and chips, and dents are all there. But it takes a trained eye to ignore them. And a great artist knows, intuitively, how to avoid the unnecessary flaws of the human spirit.

I was the Queen of the world at one point in my life. Well, maybe not the entire world, but the world I inhabited, the world of my youth. But now in the world of my current age, the illusion of royalty has slipped a bit, though my crown still shines brightly. But I know it is coming, the time when the crown will grow dim. Am I prepared for that eventuality? No, I am not and I will fight it with all I have. I do not quit easily. My nature is to fight and fight hard. So be it.